Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
