i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
