Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
