no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
