I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
