the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
