1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
