It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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