wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
