Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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