You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize