It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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