Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
