the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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