First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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