I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
