who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
