i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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