So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
