i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize