I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
