my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize