We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
