My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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