Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So apparently I’m into choking now
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
