Kareoke will never be a sober sport
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
