her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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