Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
