my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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