Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
