I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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