Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
