Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize