I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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