I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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