She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
