i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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