capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
