I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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