Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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