A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I had to cum in my sink.
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