every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
