i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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