what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
