i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
