I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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