I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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