Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
