1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
