I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
