The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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