Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
