please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
my poor anus
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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