Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
