SEEEEXXX PLEASE
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
