I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
