I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
