I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
