What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
