Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
