Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
