if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
