My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
