you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
