I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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