Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
