I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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