Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
