and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
