Define "chronic" masturbator.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
