I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
