There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
we should paint friendship bongs
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