Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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