I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
