I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
