Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
