You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
