I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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