So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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