im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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