He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
